DEAR FRIENDS,
Last evening I had the privilege of listening to a conversation (that had been previously taped) with Tara Brach and Dan Gottlieb. Both acclaimed psychologists and both renowned mindfulness teachers bringing together eastern and western philosophy and healing to the world.
Both Tara and Dan are incredible individuals. I have had the honor of attending mindfulness gatherings/sanghas with Dan. I am overwhelmed by his generous heart and spirit, and his depth of wisdom. I know, respect and honor Tara, though only through her many wonderful books and virtual teachings, last night I witnessed the exchange of mutual open hearts, adoration, humor and respect; a gift to us all. Both of these incredible human beings have also experienced untold physical suffering and loss in their lives. In 1979 Dan was in a near fatal automobile accident which left him paralyzed from the chest down. Astoundingly, they have transformed suffering into unimaginable generosity and love for all beings. You will find the conversation on Tara’s YouTube channel.
During the conversation, Dan mentioned the four words that could change the world. Tell Me Your Story.
Below, Dan elaborates to awakin.org in 2013.
It came to me in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago, four words that could change the world:
Tell me your story.
These four words could have an impact on everything from global conflict to personal well-being. All we have to do is ask others to tell us their stories and then be quiet. Oh, one other thing: While you are listening, try to imagine what it would be like - and how you would feel - if it were your story. That's called empathy.
So just ask people for their stories, listen, imagine, and feel - sounds naive, doesn't it? Stick with me here.
First, saying these words will change you. Listening to others is an act of emotional generosity, and there is ample evidence that generosity stimulates the brain's endorphins - natural antidepressants. [...]
Second, this little exercise will change the person whose story you've asked for. Socrates may have overstated the issue a bit when he said, in modern translation, "an unexamined life is not worth living," but we humans do have a fundamental need to be understood for who we are. Think of how full we feel when someone looks in our eyes and says she wants to know how we experience our lives.
In today's world, social networks are shrinking. The number of people who report having no intimate friends is increasing. Simple eye contact, along with a caring "tell me your story," can go a long way toward diminishing someone's feelings of alienation and aloneness. I've spoken those words to kids of all ages in all kinds of neighborhoods. Most thank me for asking - and say that no one has ever done so before.
Third, beyond diminishing alienation and increasing a sense of connection, these four words can have a biological effect on both parties. According to Herbert Adler, a psychiatrist at Jefferson, compassion in the doctor-patient relationship actually changes each person's biological healing system. And if that happens in those relationships, it happens in other relationships. It literally promotes healing.
(...) Try it with a neighbor you don't know very well, a relative with whom you've had a misunderstanding. Try it with a street person and see what happens to both of you.
Just four words. We could start a movement.
--Dan Gottlieb
Dan Gottlieb and Tara Brach help us all to be known, felt and heard.
Wishing you all a season of hope, wonder, connection and joy,
Laurie
During this time of year, we may have feelings of overwhelm, for whatever reason, because we are human. John O’Donohue offers us the following.
For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing
When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.
The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.
Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.
The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.
You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.
At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.
Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.
Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.
Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.
Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.
Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.
Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.
Reprinted with permission from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings by John O’Donohue, published in the U.K. as Benedictus.
Please join Laurie, Tuesday mornings @ 9 am for a mindfulness meditation. My church meditation partner is Clayton Platt who meets Friday mornings @ 9 am. This link is offered through the St. David’s Episcopal Church website. All are welcome! I look forward to seeing you Tuesday mornings.
Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness Meditation is a path to building awareness of ourselves as well as our communities and the world around us. Our sessions are suitable for all levels of experience with meditation practice, and include a short talk followed by a guided meditation and a period of sharing among those present.
Our sessions include teaching and meditations on such subjects as finding focus through Mindfulness of the Breath and the Body, Mindfulness of Emotions, Gratitude, LovingKindness, Self-Compassion and Compassion for others, and Forgiveness. Our virtual sangha is a safe, supportive, and inclusive community – your presence is welcome as often as you choose to show up. We meet Tuesdays & Fridays at 9am for 30-45 minutes (depending on the time spent in group discussion). Please join us!