DEAR FRIENDS,
Many, many years ago when I first began meditating - before I really knew about mindfulness, I often had the following experience. In class, folks would be asked by the facilitator, “Where are you feeling this in your body?” (referring to whatever one was experiencing, or noticing was coming up as an emotion, feeling, thought or sensation). Where am I feeling this in my body? Actually, my experience at the time was that I wasn’t feeling anything in my body; I felt the lack of any sensation. I actually remember feeling grateful, to an extent, that I was not feeling pain or feeling unwell or having anything from my body that was screaming at me. Was feeling numb, though a good thing? I was also a bit stumped with the directive (one of the few) of feeling into our direct experience. What is that, I remember pondering…. My direct experience of what? I have been told that I can be slow to catch on to new ideas and concepts, but these two; feeling the sensation in my body and directly experiencing being in the moment, eluded me for what seemed like a very long time.
Very slowly over the years, after years of practice, I can now feel more in my body, I can now actually notice where I am feeling many emotions and sensations; constriction, tension, release, etc… at least some of the time.
As for my direct experience. What am I experiencing in this moment? It is a process. For me, it begins with awareness of all that is. It is also all that is preventing me from feeling into my direct experience. Thoughts. Emotions. Distractions. Sensations. Aversion. Resistance. Fear. Anxiety. Just to name a few.
Jon Kabat Zinn tells us to “put out the welcome mat” - for it all. Without judgment.
Judson Brewer, MD urges us to bring curiosity, which he refers to as our “superpower” to all that we find in our direct experience.
Just noticing what is here - without following these thoughts, etc. and getting lost in the story.
Is it possible to uncover that space near and around your heart? After we peel back the barriers… it may be possible to ask- What are you feeling in your heart right now?
In this present moment, may we notice our truth? May we be with our experience just now? May we hold it all gently and with lovingkindness?
Yes, this takes practice. Remember short moments, many times a day.
We could say that all of the greatest works of art and culture and science, the contents of museums and libraries throughout the world, and what unfolds in concert halls and between covers of great works of literature and poetry, stem from the human mind that knows itself to one degree or another or that is at least interested on exploring the interface between knowing and not-knowing.
Our own awareness has the capacity to free us, at least for one timeless moment, from the toxic elements of thought and emotion and the habit-driven suffering that usually arises from them when they are unmet, unexamined and unwelcomed in awareness.
-Jon Kabat Zinn
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
- Rumi
For a fun exercise, please try at least a 3-minute writing exercise inspired by Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.
It is literally 3 minutes of stream of consciousness writing. No punctuation, no complete sentences, it could even be a list of words. Hold the time lightly, and just see what unfolds. No need to share it with anyone, unless you choose to do so.
Enjoy your week.